Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The adults are the big ones right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
