i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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