I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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