Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
