i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
