I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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