She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
