glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
