I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
