How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
please come you make the beer taste better
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
