You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
