She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
