I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
