Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
