walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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