It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
