Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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