I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
