I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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