i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
