So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
