How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
