So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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