You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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