So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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