i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
