You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
