omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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