I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
