Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
