I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
