I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
