i need an iv and a liver transplant
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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