I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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