My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
