You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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