I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
