I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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