he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
