I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
