you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
