i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
