I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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