My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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