why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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