I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
