You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
