take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
