She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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