I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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