all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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