remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
