it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
