im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
