I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
